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Here's the whole story, for those who missed the excitement of Monty's romance....
January 14th- I were that fed up after the cup defeat against Hull, I takes the Metro, that's what I deed, to get sum fresh sea breezes and oot I got at Cullercoats, and doon to the cliffs. Should I jumps off? I were thinking of it, wan to me supreese, there fishin at dead o night, her line danging o'er the clifftop, I espied a bonny lass, al wrapped up to protect harself from cold. I decided not to jump. Mebbes thar's more to life than Toon.... . "What's thee name?" I asked the Cullercoats maiden. "Ruby," she replied, and thar could hear the suttle booty in her voice, it told of sufferin and pride that us Toon supporters know al aboot. "Ay," she added, "I were once at Eaton Square, home of Lord Bellamy, tha knows, he were on the tv yars back." And as I lissened to her charmin tones I felt a warm gloo all oover. I knoo she war the twin sister of the gal I had loved two years back, the one wot ran off with Big Sam.
"Are yer steppin oot?" I asked the Cullercoats Fish Girl in my kindest voice. But she were too shy to reply so I took bull by horns and said, "wal, if y're not steppin oot, then coom with me," and do ya knoo, she said Yas, next Wed'sday week.
Wal, I tell ya man, it were a bit difficult. Ya knoos what's on on the 28th? After a lang pause I begged her "Will ya step oot with me to see us beat Manchester City?" She took one look and started fishin agen.

January 24th- With the Toon busy fightin amongst themselves on the training pitch, I was so deepressed I rans and rans, strat doon t'road to Wallsend, I were so fast I think I even overtak sum buses. Then I felt that exhausted I leapt on metro doon to Cullercoats agen, I jus had to cheer meself up by seein my canny Ruby.
I knocked an knocked an knocked at her door. There were this lang pause afore the sound of the winder a-creakin oopen. But noo words, so I plucked up me courage and I sang, ya knows like Romeo singin to Juliet, except this were Cullercoats on a frosty winter's morn. Wal, there was a lot of shoutin, afore she closed t'winder.
I just didn't know wat to do nex, but her 7 fut dad cam oot the front door, and he had a t-shirt on which said 'Owen for City,' an he laffed, jus laffed, so I have ter admit, I just ran awa. But I am goin to go back again, praps whan her dad is oot.

Feb 1st: - Affter the match, I joins all the black and white fans on the bus to Cullercoats, and verry quiet like, gets off just outside Ruby's house. Then, withoot a sound, I crept up to the wall, and gets out my tin o black paint and my brush and statted to paint. Maybes I shouldn't have done, but it made me so cross, seeing her dad wearin that strip from Man City, wot stole our Shay. So, not breathin owt, I painted on her dad's wall, nex to their bay winder, S H * *
Then I heared a noise of a door openin. Lucky for me it were only the canny Ruby, and whan she sees what I'd wrote she says to me I should ran quick like. I think I saw a smile an her face mind. By, it were good advice. For her 8 fut dad cam oot nex minute an he looks so fierce, yas couldna see me fer dust.

This Satday, 7th Feb, I hads this canny idea an' went to see Ruby whiles her pa was watching City beating the Boro' (don't cry!).
I spak to Ruby while her dad was watchin them on telly, and she said she'd cum oot with one. Wal, I said I would luv it, jes luv it, if we beat them, na, wat I means is, we've mak a date for nex Satday, as Toon an't playin then. Don't tells a soul will yer, and I'll tell yers all aboot it nex weeken.

February 14th and Toon had no match, so I has times to call an Ruby. Wal, I was gannin doon the road to Cullercoats to see the canny Ruby, a bunch of Valentine's Day daffs in me hand. Wan I knocks on her door, all smiling like, I had a nasty shock for it was her 9 fut dad wat opens the door, and he tells me I shud be prayin for Roy Kin*** to get well agen, not a-bangin on his door. He grabs me and shakes me. Than he made me wash out the SH** I'd painted an his wall. Than he kicks me doon the road sayin Don't Come Back, and I rubs me behind and jus spots Ruby at her bedroom winder wavin. I waves back an she smiles. Havin thought lang and hard, I realise someone mus have told him I was comin, so I won't tell a soul, not even yous, wan I'm gannin to see Ruby nex....

Feb 21st: I knoo Ruby's dad were away watching the City, and as Toon were not playin this Satday, I takes me chance an creeps doon to Ruby's an knocks on her door. "Are ye camin oot?" I smiles at her, and she smiles back, and says jus wait a minit while I tarts meself up. Wal, fifteen minits passed, an she appears, by she were a vision of booty, an off we walk doon to St Mary's Lighthoose I think it were. On the beach I taks her hand and she taks mine, an I plucks up me courage an says to her, I'll shows ye somethin shall I? Yas she replies, and I start a runnin, we ran so fast, we were at Monkseaton Station afore ye could say Wor Jackie. An off we goes, al the way to St James where I knows a quick way in, an showed her the paradise you can see in my pic. Her voice seemed quite lost on the way home, I wish I knew wat she were thinkin

An the last day of February I pays me nex visit to Ruby's- but blow me, when Ruby's door opens, thar is her ten fut brute of a dad, I forgets Man City, like Toon, weren't playin today. He tells me 'fer the las time, gerroff.' He bangs me head an the wall and I sees stars. But it were nice stars, for there is Oba Martins weaving from the half way line to go pass one Man City defender, t'other way pass another and shoots from the edge of the box easily beatin Shay and it's one nil to the Toon, and after only 40 secons! Straight from kick off, Spiderman grabs the ball off B-Bellamy, and shoots from the half way line. Two-nil, and only a minute on the clock! And it's three nil before the quarter hour is up, for there goes new signin Jackie Milburn it's goin to be a rout! New manager Kev is ecstatic. But then the stars go, an I wakes up in hospital, in the bed nex ter Roy K*****. Down to earth! T'were al a dream. And I still can't answer the problem, How am I goin to see my Ruby ever agen?

March 7th: I goes by bus to Cullercoats an gets off by Ruby's hoose. I creeps round the back like, to see if her dad were in, but he war nowhar to be seen, so I knocks gingerly like on the back door, and her mam opens it. I never seen her afore, but by, she looked tired and weary, ole before her time, she looks like Ruby might in fifty yar time. But I plucks up me courage an whispers, "is Ruby in, please misses?" "Na," she growls in a voice that made me jump. Thar were this long silence, afore I spoke again. "Than when'll she be back?" She luked me up an doon, and sees me black an white shirt and smiles, "Ruby's gan oot to ter match." I were puzzled. War Whitley Bay playing in the Coop, or wat? Than she added by way er explainin, "Ter see mackems," she made a grimace, "with that boy friend of hern." Wa, yer could have knocked me doon, who was this rival for her affections? As Ruby's mam slammed door, I tottered awa, worried.

March 14th: On the way back from the KC Stadium, as I was walkin pas the old Essoldo in Durham with me fish n chips, blow me down, I espies my Ruby a-dinin' in a flash restaurant sittin' nex to this flash player in mackem shirt. An he were no supporter but one of their team wot had lost- so sad isn't it?- against Wigan. I canna tell you his name, but I saw im sittin there with my Ruby and I wants to go in an bash him up. Instead, I am goin to go doon to Cullercoats next week and ask Ruby to coom to the Arsenal match with me...

March 21st: I phoned Ruby an got her to meet me ootside the park afore the Gunners' match. But would she come? Aye, she did! By, she looked pretty wan I sar her walkin alang pas Shearer's Bar. But I jus had to ax her aboot that mackem player she were with. Na, she said, she dinna know any mackem player or supporter. That were good noos, but was she lyin? I didna like to ax no more afore the big match, but I hope fer best....
After the match, twere no time for a depressed Dinosaur Monty to ax questions eether.

March 28th: No match today, probly jus as well given the current mess. So there's time to see Ruby who's got a new job... she's trainin the Toon! I saw her lovely presence on the trainin' ground, and the lads were respondin well, too well I might almost say. For they were verry enthusiastic at havin such a beauteous coach! Chelsea here we come!
Then I wakes up - twere a dream, and immediate like, I phones Ruby. Her mam answers the call an tells me she's gone doon to the mackem's ground.... Je ne comprends pas, as the French have it.

April 4th: Match day, an I call on Ruby to ax her to the big match agen Chelsea. The first bad noos- her twelve foot dad oped the door an wan I axed if Ruby had gan to watch the mackems he jus laffed an laffed. At least he weren't nasty like afore. So I sed me question agen, an he said Yus, I can see Ruby. She cooms doon the stairs an by, she looked radiant. Are ya comin to match? I axes her. She smiles an says she will, so I jus has to ax aboot the mackems. Than she laffs an all. I'm not a mackem's fan, she smiles. It's me mam's fault. She's a bit deaf ya sees. Me mam was tellin ya aboot ma twin brother Rudy, he's a mackem, she sad sadly. But I saw ya with a mackem, I said. Na she said. I were puzzled, until she showed me a photo of her bro. Rudy were the splittin image a Ruby, even doon to his lang curly har. He's gay, explained Ruby, and that made a lotta sense, na wunder a Sun'land player were datin him.
So we went to match to cheer alang Big Al, an we'll concentrate now on the fight for survival until the end o season. But I'll give ya more noos of meself an Ruby frae Cullercoats after the season ends.

May 27th: A depressed Monty finally gets roond to phonin Ruby. "Where's ya been?" is the first thing she shooted doon phone. But she soonded pleased like, I thoughts. By, she's a canny lass though, an wan she remembered the R word she comes roond an says, see yer next week, for the Masters. She says she's comin to see Gazza, but I has hopes she will see me an all another day, cos' I canna go.

June 7th - But I creeps to Metro Centre to see the footer,... an Ruby. I proposes on pitch, whirlwind romance, we war married instant like! An let's hope nex season is even happier!