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DICK BARTON 15 "It was a good innings," declares Barton, apparently as his epitaph. Fortunately the tide's taking a devil of a long time to come in, so it's Jock to Dick's rescue. And after a fight, the three Krauts are given a taste of their own medicine- yes they're buried in the sand! 16 Ashe drives off in "a dashed car" to hand Muller the final part of the formula. At last he's been rumbled- but now there's a grin from the sinister Muller when he discovers the formula "exceeds my wildest expectations." Arriving at the foreigners' HQ, Barton and Co attempt to "smoke them out." 17. "Worm in the grass" Ashe is captured and brought in for interrogation- "the game's up Ashe!" Cameron has been rescued but he's still drugged. Had Muller really got all three parts of the formula? He thinks he has, as he demonstrates how powerful is the formula by spraying a field with it, demanding a million pounds. But it doesn't work- hurrah! 18 . Single handedly Snowey penetrates Muller's new hideout- "Gott im Himmel!" Muller tries one last effort to get that formula off Cameron- Ach! "Pipped at the Post!" He's trapped. Hip hip hooray. End

Aunt Agatha on the phone for Dick. "Good heavens!" he exclaims. It's "The Case of the Disappearing House!" 19 Aunt Agatha's house is a heap of rubble- it had been let to a Harold Jenkins. One odd thing however, there's no glass in the ruins. Dick traces Harold's fiancee Shirley, (Fiona Gray) "a very sensible young lady," who says Harold had been working on a secret process. She knows he'd met a "foreign" gentleman with "this scar running all the way down from his eyebrow to his chin." Good Lord- Dmitri Melganic!! 20 Sir Richard Marley tells Dick the disappearance of this process XB19 is "a matter of gravest national concern." Dick is given a demo of the fiendish ray. He suggests to Shirley- "things look pretty black against your Harold." But she's more upset when Harold writes, breaking off their engagement. As the letter was posted in Preston, Dick prepares to travel to Lancashire, "land of the black pudding." However Melganik has prepared a trap for Dick at his flat.... 21 Jock: "there's something wrong in there!" So Dick evades the trap and makes for Preston where Harold's mum's house has been reduced to rubble. Then industrial diamonds are stolen- surely for use in the XB19. Worse, "they've got Jock," carried away in Wolseley BPF21. Melganik is going to gas Jock! 22 "That's murder!" Jock is just saved from a gassing by Dick. Melganik has fled. A clue is found chalked on the wall- "JEFFERSON. NAP COUP. NO BERNADOTTE." Harold's boss Prof Whitaker can't enlighten our heroes as to the meaning, but Dick & Co are suspicious of him and break into his home. They're locked in the cellar. "Blimey, an overgrown worm!" Not quite, explains Dick patiently, rather it's a lot of deadly green garter snakes! What next? .... . . . . . . . . or, to return to the . . . . Menu

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DICK BARTON (continued) 23. "Nasty little chaps!" referring to those snakes. "Wish me luck," says Dick as he blows a cold fan on the reptiles- "it works!" Now Shirley comes to our heroes' rescue, releasing them from the cellar. And so to the coded message- it's simple really- it means 1801, 1851, 1818 which naturally means, argues Snowey, a map reference. Just North of New Romney and South of Dymchurch. Obvious really! 24. "Dmitri Melganik can get pretty nasty when he's in a tight corner." In a New Romney hotel register, prisoner Harold Jenkins manages to scrawl "Get Dick Barton." Barton's gang catches up with the villains as they rendezvous with their sub. "Blimey, it's Mr Barton!" In the showdown on a dark beach the foreigners finally break away by a trick you'd have thought Dick Barton would have been ready for- sand thrown in his face. At least Whitaker is caught and Harold rescued. And jolly good show, the Secret isn't being taken abroad, since Harold had made a bomb for the sub, which is now blown to smithereens. "Let's hope that really is the end of Melganik this time," breathes an optimistic Barton. The End

Series 4 (and last) 25. After saving the XB19 "for the country," Dick is abducted by Allied Intelligence and asked to investigate "cold fish" Sir Guy Ashton, who's worried his wife might be a traitor- "Amanda's been behaving in a most unusual way." But when she's trailed it appears to be more a case of marital infidelity when at the Junction Inn she meets Dandy Parkes (Terence Sewards) a "local boy makes bad." Dick and Jock fall into the hands of his four henchmen 26. Four on to two but with Snowey's intervention, it's the four who flee. Dick questions Amanda who tells him Dandy is only an "ageing playboy." Returning to base Dick nonchalantly queries "What's that?" as he stares at a parcel which is quietly ticking...! 27. "I've just been blown up!" announces Dick. Is Sir Guy Ashton a traitor, that's his pertinent question. Dick leans on playboy Dandy to learn the truth, but he's scared: "I've said too much already." Snowey and Jock track the bomb thrower to Jermyn Street baths, but oh dear, they're locked into the steam room! 28 By digging up the floor(!) Snowey and Jock are "dashed lucky to get away with it." Dandy is now ready to squeal, so he's silenced. Sir Guy and Amanda are driven away to his Hampshire retreat, narrowly avoiding the crooks in a slow motion car chase. Snowey sees them safe whilst Dick and Jock stumble on Dandy's corpse. What's this? The police materialise and charge Dick, yes I said Dick, with murder! For the conclusion .... . . . . . . . . or, to return to the . . . . Menu

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DICK BARTON (continued) 29 Our hero eludes the police but straight into the flick knives of the villains. They are neatly sidestepped with the aid of a stiletto! Dandy's dairy shows he met his cronies at The Snooker Hall so Snowey with Janet ("I still say it's no party for a girl") drive there, where Snowey is coshed 30 Janet gets away to warn Dick, but Snowey is tied up on a demolition site and only in the nick of time does Dick extricate him- "don't leave it a moment longer next time, sir." But with Janet and Lady Amanda now alone, they are easy prey.... 31 Amanda Ashton is taken away as a hostage by the crooked Drews- or is she actually "hand in glove with them?" They are planning to fly off to Switzerland, but there at the aerodrome, Dick "puts the mockers on" them 32 Dick, Jock and Amanda are abandoned, tied up too, in the crooks' plane after they bale out. Although "it's a long time since I've flown one of these things," Dicks lands the aircraft safely and races to Sir Guy Ashton who faces extinction at the hands of the villains. Although he's a traitor, "fair play" demands Dick sees him through, so he "moves like hell" for the final almighty punch-up. The End. Sadly, though the announcer advises us to watch out for more from Dick Barton, that's his last Southern outing! To Menu . . / . . . . . . .

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WODEHOUSE PLAYHOUSE The BBC were renowned for their skill at producing A1 comedy, yet somehow this series never quite took off. Compared with the later mostly superb LWT adaptations of 'Jeeves and Wooster' these stories appear too plodding and lacking that certain lightness of touch. John Alderton starred in each of the 20 stories and was always just a little too one dimensional. Perhaps the best that can be said is that the period flavour was spot on. True too, Pauline Collins had that Twenties "it" sparkle, but the overall effect was one of let down. At its best it was just about watchable. Should you want to see it, numerous outlets can sell it you on dvd. Some stories were repeated on UK Drama, and one on BBC Four: 3 Portrait of a Disciplinarian - Reggie Mulliner has travelled to Bingley-on-Sea for a dreaded meeting with his 85 year-old ferocious nanny Nurse Wilks (a splendid part for Daphne Heard). She's matchmaking Reggie with his estranged love Jane Oliphant, and both are punished by being locked, as of old, in the understairs cupboard, where romance is happily re-ignited 6 Mr Potter takes a Rest Cure 7 Big Business 15 The Editor Regrets 16 Mulliner's Buck-Up O 17 The Smile that Wins 18 Tangled Hearts 19 The Luck of the Stiffhams To Menu To the earlier World of Wooster . . . . . . NEAREST AND DEAREST This show remains a fitting tribute to our first comedienne of British telly, Hylda Baker. Perhaps it wasn't up to the standard of "Our House," but it certainly compares favourably with Hylda's last series "Not on Your Nellie" for LWT. That series lacked the innocent charm of this very parochial show from Granada, and which stands as the last hurrah for that Northern humour that was very much the forte of Frank Randle. Whilst Jimmy Jewel sat there rather uncomfortably (and with too many "bloodys", I felt), Hylda sparkled with support from a repertory of players schooled in the Northern comic tradition. Who can forget her "I am a foooool!" and of course "It's a quarter past...... oh I must get a little hand put on that watch." Much of the series has happily been reissued on dvd. A MAN AND A WOMAN - Returning from London, Lily, "Colne's answer to Carnaby Street," gets "insaturated" with a virile coalman (Ivor Salter). Nellie makes Stan take some "discriminating" photos. He gives Eli some "immoral support" in telling the coalman to leave off. No luck, so it's up to Nellie, who confronts him at "the anointed hour" ALL YOU WISH YOURSELF - Breakfast in bed for Nellie "just like Jacqueline Oasis." Then Eli takes her for a night out, only it proves to be a strip joint. All Eli's skill in softening up Nellie is gone to waste - he was hoping to tell her he'd bought a new sports car to pull the birds! This story starts well but tails away WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE? - To see Eli's case is properly "dognosed", Nellie accompanies him to the doc. She tells Eli: "the brain is like an electronic harp." Eli: "You've twanged yours once too often." In the end it's Nellie who has to see the "pychiatrist", but it's he who ends up on the couch! Asks Nellie: "Tell Nellie, she knows y'know. Now when you were a little boy, did you have your own toilet?" GET UP THEM STAIRS - Walter and Lily aren't married! Nellie negotiates with the vicar for a secret wedding - "could we sort of nip in to the vestry one night after the pubs close; could you do a quick service?" Walter starts acting the gay bachelor as Eli takes him on a tour of "the fleshpots of Colne." That is, before Nellie gets them both to the Registry. Menu . . . . . . JEEVES AND WOOSTER (1990-1993) Here's one superb series with Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, that is still regularly seen on our screens. And deservedly so, indeed its overexposure has perhaps lead to it being rather overlooked as a work of near genius.Certainly the period atmosphere is spot-on, and Hugh Laurie was ideally cast as Bertie Wooster. Perhaps Stephen Fry's Jeeves isn't quite in the same street as Dennis Price's, but his understated performance grows on you. After two brief but wonderful series, the final two batches of tales, starting with American settings were rather a let down. Appealing to the American market was never the forte of British tv, and even when our heroes return to the old country, the slapstick far too easily takes control. My favourite episodes of many: 2:1/2 The Code of the Woosters- having a wonderful time at Totleigh Towers with Roderick Spode and the absurd Fink-Nottle Best moment: 2:5 that marvellous beach scene with the minstrels. Best acting: Who could improve on Madeline Bassett in Elizabeth Morton's delicious version in the later stories? Dud episodes: both 3:2 and 4:1, too many stories cobbled together 1.1 The Pride of the Woosters- "Nephew crusher" Aunt Agatha orders Bertie with his new valet Jeeves to Ditteridge Hall to meet her intended for Bertie, Honoria Glossop. Fortunately Bingo is enamoured of her and Bertie devises an "imponderable" scheme to get Bingo to pop the question. Instead "Bertie Wertie" ends up engaged to her, the only way out being to convince prim Sir Roderick Glossop that his future son-in-law is a raving loony 1.2 The Dog McIntosh- Bertie has to resort to "dognapping" when the lady he's smitten with, Miss Wickham, donates Aunt Agatha's dog, whom Bertie is looking after, to the son of a Broadway producer. Bertie also helps dear Tuppy who's fallen for Cora, a voluminous opera star, but the nth rendition of Sonny Boy certainly cools that romance 1.3 The Purity of the Turf -Uncle George has fallen for "a young inexperienced girl," a waitress even. The Curse of the Woosters, Aunt Agatha, orders Bertie to extricate him from this "grim entanglement," which he indeed does, only to reunite Uncle George with his long lost love. Bertie flees with Jeeves to another stately pile, where no betting is permitted by her Ladyship. Covert bets on races at the village fete sees the odious bookie Steggles nobbling the favourites. All depends on the vacuous Bingo, their "last chance" in the 80 yards dash 1.4 Right Ho Jeeves -1 At Brinkley Court, "soggy with atmosphere," Gussy Fink-Nottle is enamoured of Madeline whilst Tuppy's engagement to Angela is on the rocks. Aunt Dahlia desperately needs £500, and more, she must placate her masterchef Anatole as Bertie's schemes have unwisely persuaded her and Tuppy and Gussy to decline to eat his delicious meal- "this is all your fault Wooster" 1.5 Right Ho Jeeves -2 Bertie attempts reconciliations between estranged Tuppy and Angela, and newt fancier Fink-Nottle and "Gord help us" Bassett. His spiking of Gussy's drink leads to a memorable speech day at Market Snodbury. Bertie having failed, Jeeves' machinations restore the couple's joy and laughter 2.1 The Code of the Woosters -1 "A British knee is firm!" that's part of Sir Roderick Spode's patriotic rallying cry. He's a guest at Totleigh Towers, where Stephanie wants to marry the penniless curate Stinker, and Madeleine is being pursued by the bland Gussy. Bertie has to stay there too, order of Aunt Agatha, to steal a rare cow creamer. Stiffy wants Bertie to do same, with the variation that Stinker then catches Bertie in flagrante. Having tamed the belligerent Spode ("Eulalie"), Bertie fails, naturally, to steal said object 2.2 The Code of the Woosters -2 "Amateur dictator" Spode, "Man of Destiny," is, on Jeeves' advice, held "in lofty scorn" by Gussy, but in a typical blunder, Madeleine calls off their engagement, only to catch Bertie on the bounce. To extricate himself, Bertie finds himself engaged to Stiffy... comments Jeeves: "an unlooked-for betrothal often casts a pall" 2.3 Pearls Mean Tears - By train to Aunt Agatha, who has dug out a wife for Bertie, one Aline, who's actually a conwoman and stolen Agatha's pearls. Then it's back to town to rescue Biffy from "the Glossop menace." During the musical Woof Woof! Biffy rediscovers his true love 2.4 Thank You Jeeves -1 - A masterpiece, as Jeeves and Wooster part company, all over the master's raucous trombone. Bertie gets unsatisfactory service from new valet, the coarse Brinkley, whilst Jeeves is snapped up by Chuffy, eager to impress a potential American buyer for his Devon mansion 2.5 Thank You Jeeves -2 - Pauline Stoker and Chuffy's romance isn't quite "oojah-cum-spiff" and it deteriorates still further when Bertie spends an innocent night with her at The Prince of Wales. "A darker hue" suffuses Chuffy's cheeks. The Drones Club Minstrel Band is wildly playing at Stoker's son's birthday party when Bertie is forced, J Washburn Stoker's orders, to become re-engaged to his daughter. Bertie flees with the minstrels to Barmy's aunt's pile for yet another rendition of Lady of Spain- as if the plot matters in this marvellous comedy 2.6 No Wedding Bells for Bingo 3.1 Lord Wilmot Pershore is a limpet on Bertie's Atlantic voyage, the flavour of the grand liner beautifully conveyed. But it's too much when Lady Malvern then entrusts her clueless boy to Bertie to "shield him from the temptations of the great city." Bertie's efforts to "keep the gaiety under some sort of control" brings us an atmospheric montage of Prohibition New York. The threads become too entangled when Bertie seeks refuge with Rocky an old poet friend, though more entertaining, as ever, is Tuppy, smitten by Pauline Stoker, whose wheeze is to impress her father by buying a flash Spritz automobile. When he places an order for 48, he persuades Bertie to break into J Washburn Stoker's mansion to retrieve his bouncing cheque. And Lady Malvern is none too pleased when she finds her son and heir in prison. After some sort of explanation, all she can say is "I find that very hard to believe" 3.2 Poor old Rocky on Long Island has to send his Aunt Isabel reports of painting the town red, so Jeeves rather improbably obliges, by doing just that himself. Bicky "old top" also needs Jeeves' assistance when his "biggest cheapskate alive" father travels to America to see how his hopeful son is doing. At the Stuyvesant Tower, Lord Chiswick takes over Bertie's apartment, but then so does Aunt Isabel, to see the high life for herself. Keeping the two apart is true farce, though I found it very flat here 3.4 The Mating Season - Aunt Agatha orders Bertie to marry a girl he's never met, Gertrude Winkworth. Her mother, Dame Daphne, is one of those fearsome elderly ladies who also has to give her blessing on the union of newt lover Gussy and the adorable but "soppy" Madeline Bassett. As Gussy winds up in jail, Bertie has to "walk on eggshells," impersonating him at Deverill Hall. When Gussy turns up, he has to pretend to be Bertie, "one of the keenest minds of his generation." Gussy becomes besotted with Gertrude and the "grisly crew" of elderly spinsters at the hall incredibly "lionise" Gussy, whilst Madeline tenderly speaks up for Bertie who has landed in the dock 3.5 Jeeves Takes Charge - "Dark horses are drawing us to Totleigh Towers," that "hellhole" where Stinker and Stiffy are engaged, and Gussy Fink-Nottle and Emerald Stoker in love, despite his engagement to Madeline. And if she loses him, Bertie shudders to realise he's "next in line," though Sir Roderick Spode does admire her from afar... 3.6 Comrade Bingo -Bingo is smitten by a member of the Hands of the Red Dawn, a group violently opposed to the wonderful Roderick Spode, who's eyeing Bertie's dealings with the delightful but shallow Madeline. "You're a Philistine, Wooster." Bertie certainly has no eye for art, and helps Aunt Dahlia pinch a painting at dead of night, for reasons far too complex and slight to care about 4.1 The Spot of Art - A disappointing jumble of stories. There's Gwladys Pendlebury, "a vigorous young" artist whose portrait of "scourge" Aunt Agatha does not meet her approbation. She's pursued by Bertie as well as advertising agent Lucius Pym. Then there are twins Claude and Eustace whom Bertie is ordered by Aunt A to look after, but both fall for the charms of Maria, a singer at Ciro's and all Bertie can do is "watch and pray." Oh, he could help the smitten Tuppy who's engaged to Elizabeth, daughter of a soup magnate. On Long Island matters come to a head 4.2 Jeeves in the Morning - In NY, Lady Florence is engaged to Stilton and Nobby wants to marry a theater producer. Bertie's scheme get them unstuck, resulting in his becoming engaged to The Spirit of Resurgent Womanhood, alias Florence, whilst Nobby is turned into a "deranged pekinese." The finale at the Prohibition Masked Ball has a surreal charm amid a thunderstorm atop a skyscraper 4.3 Bingo and the little Woman - In NY still, Bertie scores "a coup in the field of human relations" when he wines and dines Honoria Glossop. But marriage wasn't part of Bertie's plan, so he hires Trixie, only to find this actress is now claiming to be his fiancee. On the ship home, there's a hectic time and a daft finish 4.4 Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit -Bertie's new moustache wins Jeeves' disapprobation, and causes Lady Florence to break off her engagement. At The Mottled Oyster, she proposes, and in her bedroom at Brinkley Court their relationship is sealed- this because Bertie, "the human gumboil," was there in error, actually trying to help Aunt Dahlia steal her own paste jewellery 4.6 Much Obliged Jeeves- this last story just had to return to Totleigh in a jumble of old plots like Florence engaged and Madeline to marry Roderick Spode. Other threads are a stolen dossier on Bertie which needs stealing from the odious Brinkley, a by-election in which the weak Tory candidate is Florence's intended, and Tuppy's Plumbo-Jumbo to unblock Totleigh's ancient drains. By the end, Bertie is pursued by the two women, all good fun if not good PG Menu . . . To the earlier BBC World of Wooster . . . . . . DOCTORS - DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE DOCTOR AT LARGE DOCTOR IN CHARGE DOCTOR ON THE GO LWT's long running saga loosely based on Richard Gordon's books, started amateurishly with some feeble scripts and atrocious acting. However persistence paid off, and in Robin Nedwell and Richard O'Sullivan they found a winning formula. Perhaps Geoffrey Davies as Dick Stuart-Clark was the most likeable of the rogue doctors. Ernest Clark as brusque Sir Geoffrey Loftus added the necessary contrast by providing a pompous dignity to proceedings. Ralph Michael as the laid-back Dean was also memorable. Menu . . . . . . DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE 1 Why Do You Want to be a Doctor? - Upton somehow passes his interview for St Swithins and on his first day meets Duncan Waring (Robin Nedwell) and eternal student Dick. They're greeted by an appallingly monotonous, but brilliantly funny, speech from the dean before Professor Loftus gives them a much more forthright, but equally fun, welcome: "I am going to give you hell!" John Cleese and Graham Chapman's script hits just the right anarchic note. After this, Doctor In the House was all downhill 11 Keep it Clean (1970) Doctors Menu . . . . . . . DOCTOR AT LARGE 14 No Ill Feeling (1971) - Roy Kinnear steals the show as a wisecracking salesman, though Brian Oulton's hypochondriac doctor runs him close. A chance for a bit of slapstick when the salesman is taken down a peg by Upton's more worldly-wise mates 25 Things that Go Mump in the Night - Dr Upton seems to have gone down with mumps, so why is Dr Bingham ordering an enema for him? Could be he's jealous of Upton's attentions towards Nurse Allison (Angela Douglas) Doctors Menu . . . . . . . DOCTOR IN CHARGE 9 Face the Music (1972) - When Waring's poor golf shot knocks out the chapel organist, Lawrence Bingham volunteers to replace him. Waring hardly atones for his mistake by spiking Lawrence's drinks, leading to the least solemn memorial service ever 10 Mum's the Word - In casualty is Duncan's mum (Mollie Sugden), but to impress the board of governors, Dunc has claimed she's a countess- so Dick kindly and amusingly poses as the effusive Mrs Waring 11 The Fox - Dunc suggests Lawrence should "live it up," and some trickery in this daft story sees poor Lawrence "desire" to smother the new severe matron with kisses 17 On the Brink 18 Amazing Grace 19 Shut Up and Eat What You're Given 28 The Merger - Loftus is "on edge" as St Swithin's is threatened with being pulled down for redevelopment, so the docs create chaos when Sir John the developer tours "the worst hospital in the world" 31 The Epidemic 35 In Place of Strife (1973)- Waring mistakes the painters for new students and permits them to "fondle" a dolly patient. Then he brings them out on strike when he does a spot of painting and finally the whole hospital grinds to a halt as he and Collier fail abysmally to stand in for nurses on a ward Doctors Menu . . . . . . . DOCTOR ON THE GO After peaking with Doctor at Large, and Doctor in Charge, the series went downhill rather, and though not anything like as excrutiating as some of the first Doctor series, overacting and over indulgence don't usually make for good comedy. 1 Keep Your Nose Clean (1975) 6 M*A*T*C*H - When Dr Gascoygne drags poor Duncan away from the football on telly to examine a patient with a supposedly rare disease, Dunc gets his own back by tricking the naive Gazza into believing one patient really has an obscure disease. Sir Geoffrey's next ward round is not a success.... 8 What's Op Doc with George Moon, Johnny Briggs 10 A Heart in the Right Place with Robert Dorning Doctors Menu Menu . . . . . . . THAT BERYL MARSTON (1981) starring Julia McKenzie, with Gareth Hunt This Southern TV swansong was set in Brighton. Swansongs are often emotional things, but this series was obviously a farewell V sign at ITV. Unfortunately, it is the viewer who suffers. I imagine the cast must also squirm seeing this today. Perhaps it was young Phil who nicely occasionally narrates the story to camera, who had the best part. 1. Say it with Flowers - Georgie's first day after her divorce from Gerry, not really a subject for humour: "there's been enough tears shed over that wretched man." Her son Phil tries to get them together again, just as she's been dated by a "rather divine man" 2. Pax - A "friendly dinner" with Georgie's ex-husband is more a bickering match refereed by a bemused waiter (Tim Barrett) 3. Rondo - Georgie's son Phil tells us "how the whole Beryl can-of-beans was opened" when "the balloon went up" at Gerry's Reunion. Tears as possessions were divided up, but more from any viewer still awake when Harvey is "kissed by Judas." Georgie's date with Alan turns into a threesome with the cunning Gerry. "You can't help liking him?" concludes Phil. I won't answer that one 4. Nocturne - As he has a bad cold, dad has to stay the night. It's a very disturbed night 5. Live and Let Live - After several tedious phone calls, both Gerry and Georgie go on business dates- Gerry's with 'Edith' (Terence Alexander), whilst young Phil falls for Georgie's, the bubbly Kay (Millicent Martin). As Kay goes off with 'Edith,' Georgie and Gerry collapse in a drunken melancholy, squandering a promising situation 6. Noel- Oh 'Ell - Having Uncle Fred (Reginald Marsh) and Auntie Vera (Hilary Mason) for Christmas is as excrutiating as this script by Jan Butlin, but they are as nothing compared with a drunken neighbour with every cardboard joke in the book. Gareth Hunt impersonating both Groucho Marx and WC Fields as Santa Claus, only proves he is no comedian Menu . . . . . . . . . . . . PUBLIC EYE A unique series really made by the superb acting of Alfred Burke as Frank Marker, and by some generally excellent scripts. It started as a black/white ABC production and was one of the few shows that survived the transition to Thames. 1.2 Nobody Kills Santa Claus (1965) - A rather slow story about obnoxious businessman Paul Garston (Keith Baxter) whose rivals "all come out bent and battered." Marker nearly ends up as a hospital case himself when he's hired to protect this unlikeable tycoon. Who is after Garston, a business rival, his estranged wife or his girl friend? 1.12 The Morning Wasn't So Hot - 14 pounds in the post office, Jenny (Carol Ann Ford) runs away from Hull to the big city. Befriended by a ponce, he sells her on for £300 to the smooth talking Dannon (Philip Madoc). But she runs away again, and Marker, already on her trail, is also commissioned by Dannon to find her. The story slows with a tale of blackmail before Marker gets lucky and finds her, warning her what's in store for her. A noble gesture, for she won't listen and he gets duffed up. Marker 's case is over, and she's for "the battery farm" 2.2 Don't Forget You're Mine (1966) - First Birmingham client is Mrs Jessop (Pauline Delaney, later to become Mrs Mortimer), whose younger husband is missing. Tis the usual reason, another woman. Seedy and predictable, but a well told story. Writer Roger Marshall's knack is to divide your sympathies before giving a clever unexpected twist before Frank proves himself "a private detective with honour" 2.7 Works with Chess, Not with Life - "Dodgy mushrooms" have poisoned Miss O'Hara (Valerie Bell), or so she claims. Frank chats her up, and shows her up too. A tougher case is investigating a doctor (Derek Waring) cheating on Nancy his wife. It's the eternal triangle with Susan (Ann Lynn), and he takes ages agonising over which woman to choose. Susan blackmails him when he tries to ditch her. Marker, with brilliant scheming, sorts her out 3.9 The Bromsgrove Venus (1968) - Maria, the wife of a chief librarian, has been photographed in the nude by Ingleby who also works at the library. Marker is paid to find out more, and finds the true blackmailer as he dances the tango at Pauline's dancing school In Series Four the programme achieved a very high standard of writing, with a sensitive account of an ex prisoner's problems in attempting to reintegrate into society. 4.1 Welcome to Brighton? (1969) - "You're like a monk," says the governor to Marker. He's leaving Ford prison, but can he make it outside? This is a sometimes moving character study of the problems of a prisoner on parole, and a very lonely parolee at that 4.2 Divide and Conquer - Slow but absorbing account of Marker's first day at work. That evening he exposes a rocker's swindle and there follows a really tense scene as two rockers seek revenge on a lonely beach. Terence Rigby adds a touch of class as the leatherclad yob 4.3 Paid in Full - This was an obvious plot line- Marker's workmate has his pay packet pinched. As Marker bemoans: "The unclean notice is up." Yet the story is perfectly executed, a gripping study in human weakness 4.4 My Life's My Own - Shirley (Stephanie Beacham), a new lodger, tries to kill herself. Single handed, Marker tries to revive her at a time when the rest of us would have called an ambulance. Marker being Marker however, is true to his character and attempts to sort out her problems. You'd make a good priest she tells him, in another superbly observed drama 4.5 Case for the Defence - From supermarket shelf stacker, Marker is invited to join a local detective agency. First client is a "stone-rich" tycoon (William Lucas) whose son is accused of murdering a Plumpton garage owner. Marker's task is to get the evidence that will help make it only manslaughter, but when bribery rears its head, it's time for Marker's conscience to waken 4.6 The Comedian's Graveyard - Nostalgic scenes shot on Brighton's now decimated West Pier at Billy Raybould's Palace of Varieties. Judy (Tessa Wyatt) is a runaway there, dreaming of stardom. Marker's task- comb Brighton and find her 4.7 A Fixed Address - "Lonely man" Frank sets up his own enquiry agency again, but is he a suitable match for landlady Mrs Mortimer? She's too much in focus, so the earlier heights aren't quite scaled here, but it's still absorbing enough 5.1 A Mug Named Frank (1971) - rather sad, as Frank Marker's romance with Mrs Mortimer is inevitably written out. He helps a dear old Brighton lady (Nora Nicholson) whose son (Barry Foster) is £3,000 in arrears. When the son steals his mother's rare silver casket, Frank persuades him to confess all to the local police in Windsor, thus winning, at last, the respect of the law, at least in Windsor 5.2 Well- There Was This Girl You See - New opening titles now Frank's in Windsor, and at last a client, a girl who wants to share with Frank the £300 reward for returning a stolen necklace. She wants to shop Sheldon her ex-boyfriend who has ditched her- "I don't like your type," Marker tells him. Nor does Percy the police inspector, but Frank "plays games" too long and, typically, overplays his hand 5.3 Slip Home in the Dark - The case of the anonymous phone caller who blackmails Barbara whose hubby is trying to make a new start out of jail. A sad case, but at least Frank cracks it. "Mr Marker, I don't like you very much" 5.4 I Always Wanted a Swimming Pool - (now in colour) An opportunity for some shots around Windsor as Frank trails an errant husband. His main case is related to the rather sad Charles Loose (Cyril Luckham) who seems to be selling fake paintings of the Norwich School artist Manton. As he is patron to a young artist (James Bolam) he seems to have the opportunity. Marker poses as a connoiseur who wishes to purchase a genuine Manton. "Success makes for carelessness," Frank as usual getting too involved, but he comes out quids in for once when there's a brilliant twist to the story 5.5 The Beater and the Game - "Life isn't all happiness," older man Stanley warns his young girl friend. Certainly not for Frank either, when Stanley objects to Frank trailing him. Poor Frank is being used to track Stanley down by a "monster" (Terence Rigby)- "a very nasty business" 5.6 Come Into the Garden Rose (b/w)- Rich old Rose (Madge Ryan) announces she is to marry Harry, the porter at her home (George Sewell). Marker exposes him for what he is, but she runs away with him anyway. All a little embarrassing, the story that is, more so perhaps because, though it's not made explicit, Marker can see something of himself in Harry 5.7 And When You've Paid the Bill...- Peter Kulman, aged 23, has jumped off his uncle's office block. Frank delves his motives in a sad but fascinating tale, marred by some poor acting. The truth is even more painful than expected, as the script collapses, like Frank's typed report 5.8 Who Wants to be Told Bad News? - Some fine acting here: Glyn Edwards as usual, as Bain the irascible estate agent; and Mollie Maureen as his aunt, who asks Mr Marker to find a 1917 newspaper. But his main job is to check out Bain's Asian client, who wants to rent an isolated cottage: "something funny there, if you ask me." Too late, Frank goes to the cottage, but the con artists have flown, not that Marker is that bothered 5.9 The Man Who Didn't Eat Sweets - Is my husband Eddie (Peter Sallis) cheating on me? Yet he seems so innocent in this sad but moving story. But three wives on the go is quite a juggling act, and Frank tries to resolve it by facing Eddie with his polygamy. "No excuses," he admits, as it all comes crashing down 5.10 Ward of Court - Martin Bailey has fled from Sheffield to Windsor, with his son. Marker traces him and serves a court order, only to reluctantly get involved in a tug of war between father and "monster" of a mother. Superbly done, you don't know just where your sympathies lie 5.11 Transatlantic Cousins - For once Frank has an assistant, reluctantly, in the shape of Lana, daughter of an American who wants Frank to unearth his aristocratic roots. This makes for a novel variation, except she's such a feeble actress. They dig up "a dreadful old man" in straitened circumstances, and Alfred Burke enjoys a nice scene with him. As Marker remarks "I always end up disappointing somebody" 5.12 Shades of White - Are Jimmy and Simon a bad influence on 18 year old Anne (Lesley Anne Down)? Allan her bullying dad thinks so, and wants Marker to find out about them. Frank flirts with the housekeeper to help catch the two thieves in an excellently written tale (Robert Muller) full of well-drawn characters 5.13 John VII Verse 24 - Not entirely convincing story when Inspector Firbank advises Frank to "stick to the facts," after he suspends one of his juniors who's accused of theft. Frank finds himself as go-between, defending the young copper 7.7 Hard Times (1975)- Another new office, this one's in Station Approach Chertsey. An uncommonly friendly bank manager (Tenniel Evans) presses Marker to up his modest fees. First job from some dubious looking characters: Find Jimmy. As he's laundering money Frank knows he's on "a hiding to nothing" Post 60's TV Menu . . . . . ENGLISH TOWNS - A personal portrait by Alec Clifton-Taylor. These half hour films are idiosyncratic, self-opinionated yet very intimate and appealing DEVIZES - where the castle is a "film set". We get a long joke about pebbledash, which he declares is "like porridge." One Georgian house gets the Taylor sarcasm: "but what has our own century contributed to this house? A new roof. Just look at it! These harsh machine-made tiles on a building of this quality are shocking. How any responsible person came to authorise them is a mystery." Obviously in jocular mood, he asks "what would Devizes be without the Bear Hotel? . . And the answer is- wait for it - unbearable!" BURY ST EDMUNDS - "Georgian elegance." The council offices on Angel Hill are praised faintly: "the building is uninspired but at least well behaved." He looks mystified for a moment by a plaque - "one of a number in Bury which are quite tantalisingly uninformative. Louis Phillipe. Yes, but what did he DO here? Have a cup of coffee?" There are often hobby horses, such as this comment on Suffolk Pink - "the further it gets away from strawberry ice cream the better." SANDWICH -he particularly admires its roofscape. The climax is the visit to a Lutyens' masterpiece. Even though the guide to Kent dismisses the place, Alec finds plenty to love in it. He returns to his dislike of painted walls and shows us some colours: "strawberry ice cream . . . . vanilla . . . . . weak cafe au lait . . . . French mustard . . . . battleship grey . . . . the aesthetic propriety of whitewashing brickwork is controversial. In general," he concludes, "the better the bricks the less the justification for it." WHITBY - Woolworths gets the Taylor condemnation but a 1980 supermarket surprisingly gets the thumbs up. After a tour of the church he finds some gems in the town: "a truly ghastly example of what is known as ribbon pointing." His interrogatory style is exemplified in - "did you ever see such a brutal way of treating stone?" DURHAM - Alec leads us on a reverential tour of the cathedral - "the finest Romanesque building (pause) . . . in the world." His final appearance is at the station where he boards an Inter City 125, first class of course. To Menu